Bella's Gift
by twi-addict1
Summary: Set in NewMoon.Bella has a tough decision to make-does she give Jacob a chance and try to move on,or will her heart stay forever with someone else?To make her decision,she does what she does best...sing.Please review, first fan-fic :
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey Guys! This is my first Fan-fic so please don't be too harsh(altough i do enjoy some criticism) I tried my best! This story has been in my head for the longest since I heard this song and I HAD to write it! Before or while reading this chapter i recommend listening to this song that is included here: Song for selena gomez: the way I loved you. I know some of you are like Selena gomez ahh! but really give it a shot it's not that bad. 

Disclaimer: OH yeah, and I don't own twilight :/ but i do own this sharpie that can cross out SM's name and put mine in my set of books, 4 copies done milllions to go haha! see you at the bottom!

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><p><span>Bella's P<span>OV

I laid on my bed gripping the hole in my chest trying to stay intact, forcing my lungs to breathe. Breathe in, breathe out, breathe in, breathe out. My chest heaved uncontrollably trying to keep up with my raspy breaths.

No wonder no one wanted me, I'm a complete mess.

First _he_ leaves me and now Jacob won't talk to me for some reason. He's been distant with me since the movies and weeks have past and he's been ignoring all of my phone calls. I wonder why he hasn't answered me; obviously he had Billy lying to me about his sickness and now they won't even answer the phone. What had I said to him, that night at the movies? And then the answer hit me: he finally got the clue. That's why he's been ignoring me. Heck, he probably never wants to see me again. He must have registered all of my hints on his way home and realized that I would never be able to love him more than a friend and he saved himself the heartache-the waste of time.

My chest ached with a brand new pain; a second hole. The pain of it took my breath away and my heart started beating faster with double effort. Funny, how I could still hear my heart though I could never use it again. It felt like I should have been hollow by now.

Jacob _can't_ leave me. I need him. Need him to be the medicine to my hole. Need him so that I could keep my promise to stay alive. But as much as I selfishly needed him, I couldn't blame him for not being here, for never wanting to see me.

But maybe, I tried to convince myself, maybe ….with time… I can learn to love him.

I knew it would never be the same love. That love could never be challenged or replaced, but it would be enough to make Jacob happy and to numb my pain. Would that be wrong, to let Jacob have his chance and be happy though I will never completely be?

Yes! That would be wrong, I scolded myself. It's not fair to Jacob.

My head spun in circles trying to figure out what the right thing was to do. I finally decided what to do.

Write a song.

No one knew that I wrote songs, not even Renee. It was a hobby I did to get my mind cleared and my emotions out and when Renee was out on her many dates I would sing them. I found that I had a talented voice, but _why_ did I want anyone to know that when in the spot light I would be likely to fall on my face in a moment of klutziness?

I scrambled to look for a pencil in my drawer and when I retrieved one I reached underneath my mattress and took out my notebook full of songs. I touched the cover lightly with my fingertips remembering the hours I've spent writing songs on here. I haven't wrote any songs since I came to Forks and I wasn't about to let my secret be known by a certain pixy.

I flinched.

I closed my eyes shut and sighed.

Better get this over with before the pain starts.

I opened up my notebook until I discovered a fresh new page and started writing…

My pencil stopped moving at the final word. A few tears rolled down my face while I was writing and my hand was shaking slightly but this was necessary, and I can take pain; this is only scratching the surface. Finally I put my pencil down to take a look at my work.

The emotion from just reading this was immense, but I knew that if I wanted to know my decision for real, then I would have to sing it. The sense and emotions of my songs would always pour out true in my voice making sense as soon as I sang them. I looked at the clock and knew it was too late and it would probably wake Charlie. I would have to wait until tomorrow when Charlie was at work. I sighed at the great pain I would have to face this night for allowing myself to remember.

I lay awake in my bed knowing when exhaustion came I would not look forward to the images behind my eyes where I knew my night mares would begin.

I woke up at the sound of Charlie's cruiser exiting the driveway. I sat tense straight up in my bed for a minute listening for any sound just to be sure.

I made my bed quickly and even straightened up the pillows and cleaned my room a bit procrastinating a little. I went down stairs and grabbed an apple, not really in the mood to eat anything. I sat down on the table and chewed each bite of my apple slowly. I sighed when it was gone and got up and threw it away in the garbage can. I stood there for a minute knowing I couldn't put it off any longer.

I ran to the attic where I would find my object.

I opened up the stairs and climbed up. I was amazed to see that Charlie still kept most of my baby stuff here. I lightly stroked the edge of my crib with my fingers. There was a lot of dust everywhere. I checked underneath the white sheets finding numerous child hood memories but not what I was looking for. I put my hands on my hips and looked around. At the corner edge of the room, I saw something jutting out of the white sheet. I went over to investigate and found what I was looking for.

My mom's old guitar.

I remember her trying to learn how to play the guitar all by herself while Charlie was at work and when she still lived here. She had been trying to play me a lullaby on the guitar, but she eventually gave up on learning how to play.

Oh, Renee.

I took some courses online back in phoenix and knew how to play guitar pretty well. I wiped off some of the dust from the guitar and carefully took one step at a time downstairs not wanting to chance tripping over the steps and falling down on my face.

I carefully closed in the stairs to the attic and left the string hanging down. I went over to my bed an sat down crossing my legs. I put my notebook down in front of me while I tuned the guitar.

When it was set, I took in a deep breath, and started playing…

_Everything's cool, yeah_

_It's all gonna be okay, yeah_

_And I know,_

_Maybe I'll leave and _

_laugh about it someday_

_But not today, no_

_Cause I don't feel so good_

_I'm tangled up inside_

_My heart is on my sleeve_

_Tomorrow is a mystery to me_

_(Chorus)_

_And it might be wonderful_

_It might be magical_

_It might be everything I've waited for,_

_A miracle_

_Oh, but even if I fall in love again_

_with someone new_

_It could never be the way I loved you_

_Letting you go is_

_making me feel so cold, yeah_

_And I've been trying to make _

_believe it doesn't hurt_

_But that makes it worse, yeah_

_See, I'm a wreck inside_

_My tongue is tied and my _

_whole body feels so weak_

_The future may be all I really need_

_(Chorus)_

_And it might be wonderful, yeah_

_It might be magical, uh oh_

_It might be everything I've waited for,_

_A miracle_

_Oh, but even if I fall in love again_

_with someone else_

_It could never be the way I loved you_

_Like a first love,_

_the one and only true love_

_wasn't it written all over my face, yeah_

_I loved you like you loved me (oh)_

_Like something pure and holy_

_Like something that can never be replaced_

_And it was be wonderful,_

_It was magical,_

_It was everything I've waited for,_

_A miracle_

_And if I should ever fall in love again_

_with someone new_

_Oh, It could never be the way _

_No, It will never be the way_

_I loved you_

My fingers ached as I strung the last chord which hung in the background along with the silence. Other than the silence I heard a choking sound coming from somewhere and when the pain came I noticed the sound came from me. The guitar dropped from my frozen hands and fell to the floor with a thud.

I knew the pain had to come sometime for allowing myself to remember, but I had to know and now I did.

Edward, Edward, Edward….

There would never be anybody else other than Edward. He will always be my only love and my heart beats only for him. I hadn't noticed I was already curled into a ball and my fingers were clutching my chest.

I had to say just one thing before I sank into deeper pain and I was too unconscious to think clearly. "Edward, I love you, it would always be you...only you" I choked out through my sobs.

It all happened instantaneously then.

I felt the cold air from outside come into my room in a harsh breeze. I shivered out of instinct, but then I realized the wind was not why I was so cold.

There was two strong arms holding me together and pulling me into their lap and I heard broken sobs come from somewhere.

"I'm so sorry Bella" he whispered through his own tearless sobs.

Oh my god.

"Edward?"

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><p><span>AN: Tuun-tun- tunnnn! hehe sorta cliffy and I'm not sure if i should just continue the story with one more chapter in Bella's pov, or do Edwards pov and continue this story...sooomeehow. Let me know in the reviews guys! Reviews are awesome :) Hit the button now.. you know you wanna^.^


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey guys! Well I don't know if that's a proper introduction because I'm practically talking to myself since I bet there are not a lot of people reading this out there, but oh well. Again I appreciate reviews people! Even if it's just a smiley face, it lets me know you care about this story! Okay so on with my story and I'll stop rambling! 

Disclaimer: *whistling* what? On with the story! Go on read...I didn't forget anything!...okay fine! I don't own Twilight….Stephanie Meyer does:( (and it's only because she thought of it first than me ).

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><p><em><span>Alice's POV<span>_

Seven, almost eight months.

Eight months, for crying out loud!

He is just so damn stubborn! I was pacing around the forest, my notebook with fashion designs on it. I had to calm down before I snapped my poor notebook in half, but the situation at hand was too frustrating for me to be calm.

It's been months since I have last seen my best friend, my sister, and it has been months since then that my family has not been the same. All because of my damn, idiot brother.

I know he thinks staying away from her is the best way to keep her safe, but that doesn't make her happy. In fact, it makes her and everyone in the family pretty damn miserable. This family hasn't been the same without her, it's like a piece of the family is missing. Since she and Edward aren't around the depression in the air around the house and family is thick, and I can only imagine how hard it is for Jazz. I can't help feeling it's all my fault, if I have not have been so insistent on having the party, or if I would have had a vision sooner, none of this would have happened. With all of the guilt, the loss, and depression -it's hard being around the family with all of this tension that Jazz and I can barely stay around so much.

I keep looking for the future to see when everything will change, but my dear brothers firm decision still has the future all messed up.

His resolve is still strong, but he can't fool me. The visions of him snapping and returning to Forks have been coming to me frequently but he stops himself from coming every time.

I just had a vision of him almost coming and he was so close the vision was so clear and I was about to do a happy dance, but he changed his mind last minute at the airport and my vision disappeared.

I was so happy everything was about to go back to normal, but his damn resolve was too strong to stop him and frankly, now here I was -pissed.

It was only a matter of time before he came back, I knew, but I was just so impatient and his idiocy is just hurting us more the more time he takes trying to stay away. I mean even though he forbid me to have visions of Bella, I knew she wasn't any better than Edward even after all of this time and here he was wasting all of this time where he could have been with her already. I could have had my sister back!

My notebook snapped in half but I was too angry to care and I continued my angry pacing when suddenly I felt a wave of calm crash over me. I looked at Jazz gratefully, and ran over to his arms. He caught me in an embrace and I kissed the side of his neck lightly to silently thank him.

I looked up at him to see his golden eyes full of concern for me, and he sent me another wave of calm, followed by one full of his love for me.

"Alice, darling , what's wrong? I swear you were almost as mad as Rosalie when Emmet messed with her M3."

I shivered at that memory, poor Emmet had to endure her furry for weeks and he was in the dog house for two months. It would have been pretty hilarious and entertaining to watch if we weren't afraid of Rose's furry.

Seriously, we learned a very important lesson that day-don't mess with Rose and her cars.

But the reminder of my anger brought back my irritation back slightly about the matter at hands.

"Ugh, I just keep having visions of Edward and I just wish that things would go back to how they used to be…I miss her Jazz." I whispered softly against his chest as a small wave of sadness hit me.

"I know darling, things haven't been the same. I miss my little sis and brother too, but we promised him we wouldn't interfere," he said and then he pulled back slightly to look at me. "You haven't been looking for her future, right?"

I sighed. "No, I haven't Jazz. But I still think it's not fair. What if she isn't doing any better off without us? I mean besides how hurt we left her, did you see the girl? She was a walking danger magnet, for crying out loud!"

He laughed bitterly. "Yes, I remember. How she tripped over thin air and he own two feet but that's as much danger as she'll get in now. I mean, what could be more dangerous than hanging out with us?" ,he said with slight guilt, "at least she's safe as she'll ever be now."

"Jazz," I started to say for still feeling guilty over the whole birthday incident, but his words triggered a series of visions and I was too caught up in them to continue.

My visions decided to catch up on me on everything I missed out on recently.

I saw Bella in the rain dragging two motorcycles to her truck….

Then Bella in a little shack, smiling with this huge russet colored skinned boy…

Then the both of them_ ridding _the motorcycles, and Bella getting hurt, naturally…

Oh Bella…

The visions started getting more and more blurry as time passed and it getting harder and harder to see her….

The next one was the blurriest one of all, and I _think _I saw Bella at the movies with the boy and…..wait… was that _Mike_?

And then everything disappeared for a while.

Just when I was about to go to a straight on vampire panic attack, Bella came back in another vision. It was still blurry, like something she was involved with was blocking her, but I could still see her because she wasn't too involved with whatever was blocking me-that's going to get annoying fast- and she looked so much like….Edward. Her face in pain as she let the misery take her, and curled up in the same fetal position as him…it was painful to watch.

Then she got out this notebook and a ….guitar? -and started singing.

Wait…._what? _How can I not know that she can sing_! _I'm a physic for crying out loud!

The vision started getting clearer for some reason and then…..

And then the most shocking thing happened.

Edward-my brother-_Edward_ came in through the window and they both started hugging and sobbing.

I was abruptly cut off by my visions and was brought back into reality. After the shock wore off, I started squealing uncontrollably and jumping up and down like a five year old kid high on sugar-heck, it was like me on Black Friday!

"Alice- Alice…..Alice! What happened? What did you see?" Jasper's melodic, frantic voice caught up to me.

"Oh Jazz, Edwards going to come back!" I squealed.

He looked a bit shocked and confused. "…To Alaska?" he asked slowly.

I shook my head quickly, "No Jazz, to Forks, were going back to Forks!" I squealed again jumping up and down.

He still looked shocked like he couldn't yet comprehend it yet, "But how? Didn't you say he was still firm on his decision on staying away?"

I sighed but smiled smugly, "Well, yes…he still is….he just needs a _little_ pushing in the right direction."

"Alice…how much do you mean, by a little?"

I looked at him with a mischievous smile, "How do you and Em feel like helping out a little?"

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><p><span>AN: Oh come on, you had to know Alice was behind this! Haha sneaky little pixie!^.^ This is just a little chapter to give you back round info on how Edward got there.

And with that… how do you think I did in Alice's POV? Good, bad, ok? Well tell me about it in the reviews, they let me know if I should continue this story! That's the only reason I haven't actually updated, you know if there's no one out there reading, then why continue? But then I thought….might as well finish what I started.

So next chapter will be Edward POV and reviews encourage me to write!

Asta la vista... and did I mention to review? Come on, you know you wanna...the buttons right down there...right there...now press it!


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N**: First of all, let me cherish this moment. OH-EM-GEE …I actually got some reviews!(Alice squeal) Yay! Okay, I'm good got it out of my system haha I know its only a few people that reviewed but I still appreciate it :), so I am dedicating this chapter to you guys: **unblievablypink**, **Veronica Z**, and **xSkylarx1118x**. Thanks for your reviews and for supporting this story :). And also thanks to the people who favored and alerted this story:)So enough with my babbling and on with the story. 

Disclaimer: Yes I own Twilight :) ...my set of books of twilight, that is.

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><p><span>Edwards POV<span>

With each breath I took, one name was in my mind. Everywhere I looked, I saw that same face, her beautiful chocolate brown eyes.

Bella, Bella, Bella….

There has not been a second of each and every day that I have not thought about her. It only made it harder to stay away from her, when I can't even stop thinking about her and seeing her face everywhere I turned. It only made it more painful, to be away from her…to be reminded of what I lost and cannot have, in order to protect.

But at the same time, I needed those reminders of her. I needed to think of her face, so I won't forget it, I needed to think of her scent, her eyes, every precious moment with her, I needed to remember her so that I believed that my reason live-to exist- was safe.

The memories cost me a great deal of pain to my still dead heart… they reminded me that she's not here with me in my arms, but the memories were all I had of her, and they were the things that allowed me to survive. The fact that she was still in this world was my reason why I have not ended my miserable existence.

I pulled my legs to my chest tighter-with a force that would have crushed a human- and held myself together to keep me from falling apart.

My heart ached to break into a tiny million pieces, but I would gladly take the pain for her.

Maybe, I thought, maybe I should just check on her, _just_ to see if she is safe...if she is doing all right…

No! I have to stop this train of thinking before it went out of hand…I had to protect her…

But I had already gotten myself too out of hand, the thought was too tempting, and my feet were already running towards the airport without my own accord.

The closer I got, the more tempting the idea of seeing her again got to me. To feel her safe in my arms, to see her face and gaze into her beautiful brown eyes….to kiss her full lips again… my resolve of staying away was getting weaker, by the thought of getting to see my Bella again.

I stopped dead at my tracks at that thought. What was I thinking? The main reason I left her was to give her a regular human life, were she would find someone better for her than me, someone human. Yes, I would always love her, but she was not _my_ Bella. I would always be hers, but there are many men out there who have been competing to touch her heart and one of them will soon.

What if someone already did? I thought to myself.

The idea of Bella loving some other man pained me, but she deserved that. She deserved to find a regular human man to love her, to give her what I cannot give her- a long happy life with lots of children, and grandchildren.

She deserved that, but it broke my heart and soon my chest was ripped open again, and the pain was too much to bear.

I dropped to my knees in the middle of nowhere and curled myself into a ball letting the misery take me.

_I'm a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…_

Alice's preset ring tone played out but I ignored it, she was always trying to get to me.

_Life in plastic! Its fantastic! _

Okay that's getting annoying…I wonder why I ever even let her put that song in my phone…

_You can brush my hair, undress me everywhere!_

Ugh, can't I grieve in peace?

_Imagination… life is your creation!_

_Common Barbie let's go party…_

Alright, that's it!

I picked up the phone and flipped it open, "What do you want Alice? And don't you dare try to convince me again to go back to…"

"EDWARD!" her high pitched scream cut off my threat, "You have to come Alaska NOW!"

Her tone caught me off guard, "Alice what's wrong? Did something happen? Are Carlisle and Esme alright? Tell me!" I screamed instantly alert.

"You just have to come…hurry! It's an emergency something horrible happened! Hurry before were too late!" she replied franticly.

"Wait Alice, CALM DOWN! WHAT HAPPENED?"

"Edward" I heard Esme's broken sobs in the back round "Please hurry… there's not much time."

"Esme what's wrong? Tell me what happened!" I was growing frantic.

"EDWARD! There's not much time to explain," said Alice "hurry to the airport, I'll explain here..."

Esme's sobs were getting to me, "But…" I said at one more futile attempt to get her to explain to me.

"EDWARD NOW OR YOU'LL MISS THE PLANE!"screamed Alice.

"Alright, I'll be there as soon as possible…" I said already running towards the airport.

I shut my phone closed and ran as fast as I could, praying they were alright…

Alice's POV

I closed my phone and smiled triumphly.

"Nice job guys, very convincing"

Jasper and Emmet smiled and high fived each other. Jazz had manipulated my emotions to seem realistically frantic, and Emmet played a _very_ realistic Esme.

"He bought the bait?" asked Jasper.

I closed my eyes in concentration and smiled smugly once again "Yup, he'll be here by tomorrow near midnight."

"Excellent", said Emmet still in mom's voice.

"Eww, Em don't talk like that. It just sounds wrong coming from you." Jasper said shivering slightly.

Emmet crossed his arms and pouted,"Hmph, you know you're just jealous I make an awesome mom impersonator."

"Sure you do Em, would you like me to go get one of mom's dresses for you?" replied Jazz amused.

Emmet narrowed his eyes, "You know that's not what I meant."

I laughed, "Okay guys, back on task here."

"Alice wait, speaking of Esme, what will she and Carlisle think of this?" said Jazz worriedly.

I raised my eyebrows at him, "You think they'll care as long as we got him back?"

He sighed. We all knew they would both just be happy that he's back.

"Okay, so we'll tell the others once we're done with the mission," I said then smiled deviously, "Right now, it's time for part two of the plan."

Emmet smiled and cracked his knuckles.

Edwards POV

I finally reached the house and I slammed the brakes on the 911 turbo that I stole. It screeched to a stop and I yanked the door open and ran inside.

I saw Rose sitting on the couch painting her nails like if nothing urgent was happeneing.

"Rose where's Alice?" I asked frantically.

_She's outside a couple of miles from here…_she thought

I ran outside the door before a full explanation. I followed her scent and found her on her knees with a blank stare on her face. I reached her and put my hands on her shoulders to shake her out of her daze.

"Alice what's wrong? Alice, Alice!" I kept repeating.

I tried to read her thoughts but she was blocking them. Suddenly I heard two very familiar voices in my head.

Jazz was blocking his thoughts as well, but Emmet was humming mission impossible in his head. Before I could ask Emmet had both my arms behind my back in an unbreakable hold, and Jazz was there for back up and was controlling my emotions.

Alice got up with a smirk on her face, and her thoughts became very clear.

"YOU'RE KIDDNAPPING ME!" I screeched.

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><p><strong>AN**: Another cliff hanger, mean huh? Haha, sorry it was just too tempting. And also how did you guys think I did Edwards POV? He's kind of hard because he overthinks EVERYTHING and he's also in a very depressing mood right now but I managed. So let me know if it was good, bad, or something else entirely…just review :).

Next chapter is Edwards POV,

And let me know what you think in the reviews...they encourage me to write faster :)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N**: Hey everyone :) First let me say I'm sooo sorry I took long to update, I was going to update last Thursday, but I was busy celebrating my birthday:)(yay!)(and also some summer bio hw I can't put off any longer :(,darn ) So now here I am updating almost a week late…my bad. But to make it up, I _promise_ to update Monday or Tuesday next time :) So enough with the excuses and on with the story!

OH and also thanks to the people who reviewed: **Dark Angel 5120**, and again to **unblievablypink **:). This chapter is for you guys! And also thanks for all the alerts and favs for the story!Enough with my babbling and on with the story!

Disclaimer: If I owned twilight, I would be one rich happy person but alas, that right goes to Stephenie Meyer who owns the series….for now:).

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><p><span>Edward's POV<span>

_Previously…_

_Alice got up with a smirk on her face, and her thoughts became very clear._

_"YOU'RE KIDDNAPPING ME!" I screeched._

Alice simply ignored my scream and looked at Jazz who sent a calming wave towards me that I fought off and sent a wave of my irritation towards him.

I growled at Alice who simply just kept walking as Emmet was dragging me.

"Dang, man your strength is really weak, when's the last time you hunted?" Emmet said as he was dragging me and keeping my arms locked together at the same time effortlessly.

I simply ignored him and glared at Alice. I was planning on making this as difficult as possible for her, and once Emmet let me go, I planned on burning her summer clothes collection.

Alice sighed and turned around with an annoyed look. _Edward, _she thought, _stop being so difficult and just come. You and I both know how much you really want to see Bella and how really close you came to caving the other day. Just think about it, wouldn't you want to see Bella right now to see how she's _really_ doing, and if she's safe?_

I sighed wishing I had one of my hands to pinch the bridge of my nose. Yes I wanted to see Bella more than anything that it was unbearably painful to actually deny the request to go see her, but my need to keep her safe was still slightly overcoming my need to see her.

As I was thinking, something about her 'tone' of thoughts slightly caught me off guard. She said the last part as if disbelieving that Bella was actually safe and well. I put that at the back of my mind for now thinking I was probably overthinking things. Of course she's safe- fact one we were away from her to not cause her any harm and danger and two she promised me that she will be safe.

"Alice," I began frustrated "You _know _that I would do anything in the world to see her unless it concerned her safety and we already discussed that her being around us is a huge risk for her. And I _will _stay away from her so she will have a normal safe life." I said trying to sound firm and determined but on the inside my resolve was crumbling on staying away from her.

Jasper snorted having caught my conflicted emotions and Alice narrowed her eyes at me not believing my act one bit. _But how do you know she's really safe Edward if you haven't even seen her or know what she's been up to? _Alice thought.

"Of course she's safe!" I said and when her eyes narrowed a bit I was backtracking….maybe considering her clumsiness…but I remembered her promise. "Alice she promised that she was going to be as careful as she can be and that she wasn't going to do anything reckless or stupid!"

She snorted delicately and Emmet guffawed at something in his thoughts which he quickly blocked from me by thinking of Rosalie on Christmas night wearing a….

I groaned quickly moving away from his thoughts and paid attention to Alice's.

_Yeah, she kept that promise all right! _she rolled her eyes. _Edward, from the visions that I got, being reckless and stupid was exactly what she was doing, _Alice continued as I froze._ I mean what is that girl thinking! I never thought she would be more safe than when we left and that the most dangerous thing she would face would be her own clumsiness, but apparently I was wrong with her getting the motorcycles and…_

"_Motorcycles!" _I chocked out. Why in the world was Bella riding a motorcycle? She could barely balance herself on flat plain ground let alone balance herself on those death traps! What is she thinking! Is she _trying_ to kill herself!

"Yup man, she's a rebel,"Emmet said between snickers as he was imagining her driving on a motorcycle looking all badass, then in the next minute crashing on a lamppost.

I ignored Emmet and instead looked at Alice wide eyed.

She nodded her head and sighed._ Yes, look at what I saw…_She showed me the vision of Bella riding on her motorcycle and falling off causing her to get a deep gash on her forehead. The vision was slightly blurry for some reason but right now all that I cared about was Bella's safety. She _hurt_ herself on that-that...thing! I was growing more panicked the more ways I imagined she could have gotten herself killed.

_EDWARD CALM DOWN! She's alright she's alright! No need for a panic attack, it already happened and she's fine now! Don't get me wrong I still prefer she wasn't doing dangerous irresponsible things like the motorcycle and when they discussed going cliffdiving…_

Okay that definitely did not help me on not getting a panic attack.

"CLIFF DIVING! They?"I screamed.

"Alice!" Emmet whined, "How come you didn't tell me anything about the cliff diving? I could have made an awesome joke about Bella being an adrenaline junkie!"

"Emmet!" I hissed.

"Relax she hasn't gone cliff diving" Alice said to me and a very disappointed Emmet, "Thank goodness for _that. _It was just a conversation that passed between her and this other boy, here do you know him?" she said showing me a mental picture of him of what she could see.

The first flash showed a huge tall boy that was russet skinned and he appeared to be at the movies. This picture was very blurry so I couldn't make out his features. The second flash of him was when they were riding the death trap motor cycles. In this slightly less blurry vision, he looked considerably smaller and shorter by a few inches, and I recognized the boy.

Jacob Black. Jacob_ Black, _decedent of former Quileute wolf, Ephraim Black. And by the looks of his growth spurt, he was going to turn into a wolf…soon.

"Jacob Black!" I managed to hiss out.

"Oooo Eddie boy here is jealooous!"Emmet said between his laughter, "looks like you've got competition bro!"

"EMMET that's not what I meant! Jacob _Black-_as in decedent of Ephraim _Black_-leader of the Quileute _wolves_!" I screamed at him.

All joking left his face as he started growing concerned, "You think he's going to turn into a wolf?" he asked honestly concerned about Bella's safety.

I nodded. "Alice when did you have these visions?" I asked her.

"Well, since you actually forbid me to have visions of Bella, they all just came up to me all at once the other day, and the latest vision I had of them was the one I showed you when they were at the movies, and that happened a few weeks ago," Alice said an then rubbed her temples with her fingers, "And it's hard to see Bella because it seems like something or someone is too tied to her decisions, and its making her all blurry and sometimes disappear. I swear, if that mutt is responsible for the lapse in my visions…"she trailed off looking very irritated.

That mutt is going to get a lot more than just an irritated Alice. How dare he put her safety in that much risk? Even if he wasn't a wolf, the motorcycles and the cliff diving are dangerous enough! Who does he think he is, going along with all of her ideas-_even_ if they're dangerous.

Then I remembered a reason why he would go along with all of this crazy stuff. Of course it was obvious. It was all for Bella-he was going along with everything so he can have a chance to steal her heart.

Alice's visons replayed in my mind, seeing the two of them laughing and hanging out together, the light in her eyes that was slightly forming…maybe he already succeeded. What if she did love him?

My heart clenched and shattered a little at that thought….if she really did love him-then I won't object. I will let her know however that I do love her with every fiber in my being and that I will always be there to protect her and keep her safe. And right now, she needs some saving.

"Alice were going to Forks..._now._" I said with a straight face.

Alice's face broke into a huge smile and her thoughts became ecstatic at being able to see Bella again.

"Wait, but I wanna see my little blushing sister too!" Emmet complained in a whinny voice.

"If Em's going, then I get to go too!" Jasper said, "You're going to need help with the emotional climate and someone needs to control Emmet…"

"Hey!" Emmet protested.

"Fine let's just go now!" Alice said impatient

And with that we all broke into a run towards the small town of Forks where my whole heart lay in the hands of Bella.

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><p><strong>AN**: Okay this chapter seems really sucky to me, but I tried my best people! It could have gone many directions but Edwards mind is a complicated and confusing place to be -sympathize with me people! Although his POV is hard it's important to the story especially next chapter where his mind is going to be a chaos of conflicting emotions and thoughts. Uy vey, I'm not looking forward to writing that!

Well let me know how I'm doing with the story and Edwards POV so far, and ill gladly take some ideas on what to write about in Edwards POV or on the story! Either way, REVIEW people! They encourage the story to be written faster! So press the button down there and see you next chapter- PEACE ^-^.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Hello people :)….umm hello? (*crickets*) Yeah, I know I said I was going to update yesterday or Monday but I really didn't have time to write and when I did get in front of my laptop yesterday determined to write and post the next chapter, I had a bit of writers block that got me stuck for a while so its not completely my fault. Well at least I'm updating now (still 2 days early from when I normally post) and you guys get another chapter to read :) 

Oh and again thanks to **unblievablypink, **my one reviewer who reviewed last chapter (and everyother chapter thanks unblievablypink!) :) It's kinda sad I only got one revie, but I still appreciate it a lot! So without further do, here's another chapter in Edwards confusing conflicting mind!

**Disclaimer: **I am still devising an evil plan to get Twilight to belong to me,(evil laugh)…..but until then, Stephenie Meyer owns the twilight series.

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><p><span>Edwards POV<span>

It was around nightfall that we were a mere two hours away from Bella's house that I allowed myself to start thinking of what I didn't allow myself to think about the whole way while we were running here.

Bella and that dog…..well, pup I should say….

I thought about Alice's visions and monitored and tried to decide if there was a change of relationship between the two of them. I tried to look through the blurry visions to see her eyes, if there really was that sparkle of love in them whenever she looked at him…the way she looked at me. I sighed when I couldn't look past the blurriness of the visions.

Emmett's earlier words rang though my head, _"Oooo Eddie boy here is jealooous! Looks like you've got competition bro!"_

Again I thought about the possibility of her already loving him, completely forgetting about me…what if she had moved on, as I intended her to do so and she just yells at me for popping back into her life like if nothing happened, like if I didn't make her suffer enough when I left…

Then I imagined her looking at me with hateful eyes, telling me that I was too late, that I had caused her too much pain and that she already found someone else….

I flinched at that possible future of her loving someone else and hating me….it's not like I didn't deserve it, after all that I put her through I deserve a lot worse.

I wonder what I'll do if I see them together. It'd obviously hurt to see them together, but would the jealousy take over? Obviously if I was already jealous enough to kill the boy now when I have barely met him I would definitely kill him when I see them together. The thought of killing the boy who stole Bella from me brought a smile to my face but…

But then what about Bella? If she truly loved Jacob…would I really hurt her that way? Take away the happiness that she deserves to satisfy my own selfish side? I couldn't do that to her.

And I bet Jacob really wasn't that bad, if he won over Bella's kind heart and the only reason I wanted to kill him was because of the jealousy.

If I put my selfishness aside, Jacob would be the best choice for Bella. He can protect her more than any normal human, love her like she deserves, and he can give her a good future with many children…

My heart shattered and I grew more depressed the more I thought about it to a point where the pain was becoming unbearable and I slowed down my running. I saw Jazz flinch at my emotions that were starting to get to him, but I was too distracted in my own thoughts to care.

Could I live through a pain like that, losing Bella to another man? The pain of thinking about it just now was killing me so I wondered how I was going to survive through the real thing. Maybe I didn't have to survive. I could just go to La Push and they would gladly kill me.

Alice suddenly stopped and whirled around to meet my eyes with such a deathly glare that made me stop and take a step back.

"Edward….WHAT THE _HELL_ are you thinking about that suddenly made your future go freaking blank!",she hissed at me.

I stared at her blankly, trying to leave my pain out of my expression, "I don't know what you're talking about Alice" I said in an expressionless tone.

_Don't you DARE lie to me Edward Cullen_, Alice thought furiously, _I know the difference between my visions and in this one I saw you crossing the Quileute border line, and NEVER planning on returning. Why are you trying to get yourself killed? S_he thought a trace of both hurt and anger evident in her thoughts but continued, _Think of what it would do to the family Edward. It would kill Esme and Carlisle_, _Emmet and Jazz would miss you and I would miss my stubborn idiot of a brother….and think about what it would do to Bella...!_

I stopped her then by speaking out loud "I am thinking of Bella..."I started.

"And how in the hell is that thinking about Bella! You do realize doing that would kill her too!" she screamed at me throwing her hands in the air.

"No Alice it won't. Did you see Bella in your visions? How close she has gotten with Jacob? She probably has forgotten all about me already and moved on with the pup. After what I did to her she probably hates me with all her might and won't care if I die" I finished sadly.

_Is that what this is about? You are worried she won't love you anymore? _She thought.

I nodded my head slowly.

She tugged the ends of her hair for a moment, her expression looking frustrated while she thought _God, Edward you are so blind!How can you not see that she loves you just as much as you love her! Wasn't underestimating her feelings for you what got you into this whole mess? Get this through your thick skull: Bella loves you no matter what idiotic thing you do!_

I shook my head still not convinced, "You can't know that."

She shook her head again frustrated about to tell me off again, but then she quickly her thoughts from me and looked at me calmer.

"Fine, I'll make you a deal we just go watch her and see how she's doing before you make your decision. If I'm right, you buy me that 911 turbo that you drove to get here, and if you're right then you can do whatever you want and we will leave Bella alone" she finished off stating her deal and offered her hand.

"What!" exclaimed Emmett not wanting to agree to that deal wanting to see his little sister now. He was about to argue but Alice silenced him with a look.

I thought through her deal and decided I couldn't get anything better than that so I shook her hand and then we continued running to Bella's house…

We stopped when we reached her house at 11. We climbed up the trees and positioned ourselves so that we could see her through her window. I thought she would be asleep by now but there she was wide awake. My first impression of seeing her again was of happiness. Finally after wishing to see her beautiful face again after many long months here I was outside her house looking at her again. I just wished I could go through her window, into her room and hug her tight to my chest and beg her for my forgiveness.

Then, when I _really_ looked at her, my second reaction was horror.

I thought she looked fragile before but now she looked incredibly breakable because she lost a few pounds and looked unhealthily underweight. Her face looked paler than before and there was no blush to warm and color her beautiful face. The purplish bags under her eyes popped out in contrast to her pale face and signaled that she had lost a good night's rest. Her eyes looked hollow and had no light in them and looked-dead. Then the most horrifying- she rolled up into the very same fetal position that I did when I was in pain.

Jasper grabbed his head with one hand and tried to stay upright by holding onto the tree while his face was twisted into pain and he projected all of what Bella was feeling onto all of us.

I gasped as I felt a familiar pain go through me, almost as powerful as the pain I have gone through these past few months. All of us had similar faces of pain until Jasper gritted his teeth in concentration and managed to stop pain to us all and sent us waves of calm and serenity.

Then I felt myself being thrown out of the tree by two sets of arms and I flew into the forest and crashed into a tree. Emmett and Jasper showed up in front of me with similar masks of anger, their brotherly instincts were kicking into hard drive in their minds and emotions. They were screaming similar thoughts at me at the top of their mental lungs.

_HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO HER? DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH PAIN YOU PUT HER THROUGH FOR MAKING US LEAVE HER, FOR YOU LEAVING HER!LOOK AT WHAT YOUR _STUPID_ DECISION MADE MY LITTLE SISTER GO THROUGH!_

I just laid there on the ground and let them yell at me not caring about anything, I already felt enough pain for doing this to her. How could I have done this to her? The whole point of leaving her was to protect her and here she was defenseless as ever, feeling the exact heart-wrenching pain I was feeling.

What have I done?

Emmett and Jasper both crossed their arms at the same time, still in brotherly protective mode.

"Well tell why we shouldn't be kicking your ass right now." Emmett said between clenched teeth and Jasper nodded agreeing with Emmett.

My voice was hollow when I spoke "Go ahead I deserve it, I deserve to die for what I've done to her. You don't think I feel guilty for what I've made her go through? That I don't hate myself for making her go through that? That's exactly what I wanted to prevent when leaving her to protect her for her safety. Well look what I've done now, yes she's safe and not hurt physically but she's drastically hurt emotionally. I let her feel the worst possible pain possible and trust me you cannot hate me as much as I hate myself right now. So go ahead and kill me I don't care I deserve it." I finished off my voice emotionless.

Emmett and Jasper both sighed looked at each other and dropped their arms in defeat. "Man, you know we can't kill you…sure we hate what you made our little sis go through but we don't hate _you_. And even though we still want to kick your ass for doing that to her, right now she needs you and we both know that if she ever found out that we taught you a lesson when she forgives you…" Jasper trailed off.

"She'll go vampire on our asses", finished off Emmett chuckling.

"But how do you know she'll forgive me?" I whispered. After what I made her go through there is no way she'll forgive me.

"Bro, do you _know_ Bella? She's the most forgiving person on this planet,-and she'll definitely forgive whatever you-do no matter how bad your ass messes up." Emmett said to me.

I sighed still feeling horrible but got up to go back to the tree.

When we got there we were met by Alice who smacked the back of my head hard. "That's for Bella" she explained and crossed her arms.

I flinched to still see Bella in the same position. Our little argument back there only was a mere two minutes long.

Then suddenly Bella got the same look on her face when she got an idea. She slowly got up from her position, as if she herself knew she was breakable, and then she reached under her mattress, pulled out a notebook(I had thought the mattress felt a little lumpy…) , and reached in her bedside drawer and took out a pencil and started writing.

Wait…why did she pull out a _notebook_?

"Oooo Eddie is that her diary or something? Give us the details bro…what does she write in it…all of her secrets and fantasies?" Emmett said waggling his eyebrows.

I ignored his crude joke, "I don't know what it is-she's never taken it out before or shown it to me." I said and bunched my eyebrows in confusion. What would she need the notebook for?

"Ooooo a secret diary….even _better_!" Emmett said rubbing his hands together, with a smile on his face.

Alice smirked knowingly and kept her thoughts hidden from me. I narrowed my eyes at her, "You know what it is…don't you?" I accused her. She nodded and did the imitation of sealing her lips, locking them, and throwing out the key.

"_Alice_!" Emmett and I whined at the same time.

She looked at us both and said in a mysterious tone, "You'll find out when the time comes," and then she laughed at our faces.

I tried to look at her thoughts, but she had them blocked well by transferring the Civil war textbook into French, word by word. I sighed and gave up knowing that she can keep blocking her thoughts for a _long_ time and instead focused on Bella who wiped off the tears off her face, closed the notebook, and put it back in its hiding place under the mattress. She climbed into bed and tried to sleep.

After a while, her breathing was evening out and she was finally asleep. Two hours later Emmett got bored and was planning on getting the notebook and seeing what was in there…

"_Emmett McCarty Cullen_! Don't you dare!" Alice hissed between her teeth before he actually went for it.

"But Alice," Emmett whined, "I'm bored! And besides, I won't wake her up! I can go in and out real quick without her even noticing…." Emmett trailed off and attempted to go again.

"_EMMETT CULLEN_, if you step one foot in that room, so help me I will tell Rosalie what happened in that summer of 1975!" Alice threatened.

Emmett froze at Bella's window and ran back to the tree and grumbled,"…..very original Alice, you so stole from _I Know What You Did Last Summer…_" he trailed off.

I watched as Bella began to stir in her bed which soon turned to her tossing and turning and she kicked her sheet down to her legs. I furrowed by eyebrows together; she had never been this restless before with her dreams. Then she started talking.

"Don't," she whimpered, "Don't leave me…please," she trailed off. I froze when I realized what she was dreaming about.

She started crying and she talked through her sobs, "Don't leave me…I'm nothing without you-nothing!" she screamed.

Then she sat up right and screamed with her eyes shut tightly together as her body shook with sobs. It took a while before her screams finally died down, but with each scream that she scram, it sent a painful stab to my heart and soul.

In the next bedroom I heard the scared and concerned thoughts of Charlie. He was suffering watching his only daughter go through this, and beating himself up for not being able to do anything and not knowing what to do.

I looked at my siblings faces to see that they were frozen- white as bone, etched in pain and guilt for leaving her. We didn't say anything because we all knew we had the same thoughts. We stayed quiet for the rest of the night until morning.

When Charlie left for work-almost as if she was waiting for him-Bella sat up on her bed for a while, then got up, did her bed, cleaned her room, and finally went downstairs. We repositioned ourselves to watch her through the kitchen window.

"Is it just me, or do we _really_ seem like stalkers?" Emmett questioned. Everyone ignored him.

She grabbed an apple and chewed each bite with care-was that really all she was going to eat?-and when she finally finished she threw it out and climbed up the steps until we couldn't see her. After a while we saw her cross the hall at the top of the stairs into her room with a large object in her hands. What was she doing?

Again we repositioned ourselves so we would be able to see her through her window.

"Seriously, do you see nothing wrong with this?" asked Emmett who we all ignored.

She sat down on her bed tuning a…._guitar_? How can I not know that she played guitar? Since when can she do this, and why didn't she tell me?

"Wait, Bella plays _guitar_?" asked Emmett confused.

"Apparently" I whispered, also confused myself. Then she got the same notebook out from last night and opened it up to a specific page.

I turned to Alice who was smiling. _Just watch_, she thought to me and pointed back to Bella motioning me to look back at her.

I did as she asked and I saw Bella take a deep breath and then she opened her mouth and the most beautiful, angelic, melodic voice rang out in the air that made all of our mouths drop open in amazement.

_Everything's cool, yeah_

_It's all gonna be okay, yeah_

_And I know,_

_Maybe I'll leave and _

_laugh about it someday_

_But not today, no_

_Cause I don't feel so good_

_I'm tangled up inside_

_My heart is on my sleeve_

_Tomorrow is a mystery to me_

_(Chorus)_

Wait…Bella can _sing_? Alice smirked at my still agape mouth, _told ya you'd see when the time comes_, she thought smugly.

Em and Jazz both had similar thoughts.

_Wow man, just wow_…Jasper thought.

_Dang man….she can sure_ _sing_! Emmett thought amazed.

I ignored them and continued to listen to Bella's words through my dazed thoughts.

_And it might be wonderful_

_It might be magical_

_It might be everything I've waited for,_

_A miracle_

_Oh, but even if I fall in love again_

_with someone new_

_It could never be the way I loved you_

I flinched. So she has thought about this, about loving someone else…But then I heard her last words with astonishment…she still…loves _me_?

_Letting you go is_

_making me feel so cold, yeah_

_And I've been trying to make _

_believe it doesn't hurt_

_But that makes it worse, yeah_

_See, I'm a wreck inside_

_My tongue is tied and my _

_whole body feels so weak_

_The future may be all I really need_

_(Chorus)_

_And it might be wonderful, yeah_

_It might be magical, uh oh_

_It might be everything I've waited for,_

_A miracle_

_Oh, but even if I fall in love again_

_with someone else_

_It could never be the way I loved you_

_Like a first love,_

_the one and only true love_

_wasn't it written all over my face, yeah_

_I loved you like you loved me (oh)_

_Like something pure and holy_

_Like something that can never be replaced_

At this point I felt like crying with relief and pain. Relief because she really did still love me, and pain because it was until now that I really realized how stupid I've been to have underestimated her feelings and that my leaving only hurt us both and I thought that I didn't deserve her.

_And it was be wonderful,_

_It was magical,_

_It was everything I've waited for,_

_A miracle_

_And if I should ever fall in love again_

_with someone new_

_Oh, It could never be the way _

_No, It will never be the way_

_I loved you_

The last strum of her guitar rang in the silent air and we all snapped out of the spell she put us in with her voice.

Then she started sobbing and she wrapped into a ball again.

"Dude, you have no idea how incredibly lucky you are that she still loves your stupid ass right now or we would have so been kicking it for putting her through that pain" Emmett said.

"Edward, I love you, it would always be you...only you" she chocked out.

At this point I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take that I put her through that much pain, I couldn't take that we've been apart for months, and I couldn't bear be without her for another second. I _needed_ to have her in between my arms to beg for my forgiveness.

I ran to her window yanked the window open and crashed into her and I wrapped my arms around her tightly.

I couldn't believe it. I was really here with her in my arms were I dreamed for months I would be. I sobbed with both relief and pain at my stupidity. But I had to say something important first.

"I'm so sorry Bella," I whispered through my own sobs. I was more sorry than she can ever comprehend.

_I TOLD YOU SO, I TOLD YOU SO, I TOLD YOU SO!_ Alice's thoughts squealed in my head. I could practically see her jumping up and down. _You owe me a brand new 911 Turbo car! Ooo make it a yellow one! _She thought ecstatic.

I didn't care that I had to buy her a new car. Under these circumstances, I would have bought her a thousand cars just to be here with Bella.

"Edward?" she whispered unbelievingly.

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><p><strong>AN**: And now, we've come to a full circle :) So as you can see, to make up for not updating when I said I will, I gave you an extra-long chapter :) (Seriously, it's the longest one in this story so far, 16 pages in Microsoft Word). And to let you know that I have been working hard on this, it is now 3:15 AM as I am typing this authors note and finishing this chapter( yup I've worked hard people). So since its too late, ill update this at 6 or seven tomorrow Thursday-or I guess today.

So I hope you all like this chapter, I worked hard on it so tell me how I did! Was Edwards mind too confusing? Were Emmett and Jasper too protective? Let me know in the comments section-just REVIEW!

Next chapter is Edwards POV again, and he has some explaining to do. Oh and did I mention the more reviews I get, the faster I update? So press the button now! ^-^


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